Friday, June 22, 2012

If You Hear Me Growling, It's At My Pants


That is a photo of the main room of my yoga/dance/play studio.  I always teach from exactly the same spot -- in front of that center pole, facing away from the windows.

The windows give me too much information and I need to focus when I am teaching.

Sometimes, my clothing also gives me too much information.

This has been a lifelong issue for me.

The happiest I have ever been with clothing was the brief period when I went to Catholic school, and I woke up every morning to the same exact outfit that fit just right.

I have been teaching for about three years now, and it was only about a month ago that I finally figured out my "uniform."

I mean, it took me about a year to find the right, um, underclothes.

Then I kept buying and wearing yoga pants, but there were too many days when I would just stop and start yanking at them, eventually letting out yelps or going on (somewhat inappropriately timed) rants about how they felt to me and how much I hated them.  (Oh, the drama!)

I decided to give dance clothes a try again but the leotard!  What a pain in the ass!  In a few ways...

FINALLY, I realized I could wear the tights with little shorts and an under and over shirt.

See how complicated it can be!?

This is mostly due, of course, to my sensory integration difficulties.  The smallest thing can cause such distraction that I can barely function.

I forget this sometimes.

And thus the title of this piece:  I went to class the other evening and decided to pull on some yoga pants.

I refused to change even though I didn't feel quite right.

On my way there, I figured it out:  Yoga pants have seams and I can FEEL THEM on the insides of my thighs.

Tights do not have these seams.

At the beginning of class, as I was fidgeting uncontrollably, I let out one of those YELPS! and said, "If you hear me growling, it's at my pants!!"

I'm not sure how many yoga/dance teachers actually say such things...





10 comments:

  1. I just asked Marcy the other day why we don't have uniforms at work, which met with a resounding chorus of "No!" from my co-workers. I would much prefer to wear the same thing everyday. I seem to have a big issue with thread and seams, especially at my neck and waist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Debbi, Ask Marcy about my current uniform. She teases me and says, "I NEVER would have guessed you would wear THAT!" HAHAHAHA

      Delete
  2. One of my best friends used to have a uniform: jeans & white t-shirts. Now he has a secret uniform because he switches up the colors of his shirts, socks, and pants. This inspired me. I am currently re-developing my secret uniform because what I have worn in the past doesn't work for my new life as a professional counselor. Seams don't bother me, but anything tight around my waist, wrists, or neck will almost be painful after a while, and I hate not being able to move freely. I *wish* I could wear yoga pants. My struggles with gender presentation add another dimension to the struggle. Some days I wish I could just wear my underwear everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh...yes, my clothing issues will warrant more than one post, as I am sure all of us with these issues can imagine.

      Delete
  3. My eldest niece refused to wear pants or leggings for the first six years of her life because of the way they felt on her skin. I've often seen her get labeled as "overly sensitive" - but, who says? I don't think she's "overly" anything. She's just She.
    (I love this blog.) xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grrr...that "overly sensitive" thing really makes me mad. She is lucky to have such a wonderful aunt! <3

      Delete
  4. I can't even begin to thank you enough for your words--I swear I'm becoming enlightened by osmosis! There are so many things that you bring up that directly relate to me--the issue with time, the affect, and now the clothes! Thank you! I put on a top for work today and couldn't get it off fast enough. Because of you I actually said "no thank you" to an invitation to a party that I knew I would not do well at. (Way too many people and I wouldn't know a soul.) It didn't go over well with the hostess, but it's working for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YAY!!!!!!! for learning to say NO and to honoring our own needs!

      Delete
  5. Hey, Christine (friend of a friend of a friend)! I am so glad to be reading your blogging. I started keeping one a while ago about my own diagnosis and my daughters' diganosis. Here's a link, enjoy (or not). I am in the process of trying to work with a group in town for more advocacy and support for spectrum-ites. Let me know what you think about that-- and if you'd like to help. I just got back from an international conference on autism research (was awarded a travel grant), too. I'd be glad to share. Again, I am really happy to see your writing. I also have been trying to put more into words. Hmmm, maybe a collaboration of like minds could come into focus. And, I guess I am pleasantly outing myself again to you and all my readers-- eh, wie gehts. http://militiapennsylvania.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, my...you are in town...I will read your blog within the next couple of days. I have been thinking about starting some sort of Aspergian women's group -- since I have my movement studio and we'd have a private space to meet in!

      Delete